New York, NY (November 30, 2009) – It is with pride and honor that we (those who forged the circle) have devised a way that you (the Chosen One) can enter the sacred realm and fulfill your true destiny. Until now, Mars was in the house of Neptune’s second moon, and as such, you were prevented from journeying into this sacred cipher. Now, as worlds align, the chalice is within your grasp. Heed the omen, reach for the grail, let no man put asunder what has been ordained as yours. We await inside to break bread with you.
The meager sum of 150 bones will get you the next 10 DVD’s we release (about 1 a month, give or take…)
Why go out and risk catching swine flu? Your Christmas shopping is already done. Even Oprah recommends buying our DVDs as a holiday gift. Check this out: http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/food/partyplanning/pkgholiday/200912-omag-gift-dvds
DVD’s will arrive about a week before the street date. (Your friends will envy and covet your collection.)
If you are interested in our back catalog, you can buy previously released DVD’s at half price while you have the subscription. (Say what?!!??)
We know you’ll be satisfied with the result it will have on your constituency, and if not, at least you’ll have something to talk about at parties. You can slag us off and call us liars… that’s always fun.
This gift idea might not be right for the little ones, but we don’t ever release films that suck, at least none that we know of.
Adam Yauch, the Minister Of Information at Oscilloscope Laboratories commented” There’s a real void in the marketplace since Columbia Record club is no longer active, so we’re hoping to hire a staff of tens of thousands to call our valuable membership over and over again and harass them until they cry.”
The realm of trust seeks you, mount your steed and come hither!
About Oscilloscope Laboratories: Oscilloscope Laboratories is a film production and theatrical distribution entity launched in 2008 by Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys. Yauch modeled the company after the indie record labels he grew up around, choosing films and then marketing them with the same artistic integrity with which they were made. The company, which is an extension of Yauch’s recording studio of the same name, has an in-house DVD distribution and production arm, and the paper packaging is reminiscent of the heyday of LP record jackets. All of the company’s DVD packaging is (free of any plastic) printed on FSC Certified 80% post-consumer waste paper and produced in a carbon neutral, hydroelectric, ISO-9001 and ISO-14001 certified plant. Other Oscilloscope theatrical releases include Yauch’s GUNNIN’ FOR THAT #1 SPOT, Irena Salina’s FLOW, Caroline Suh’s FRONTRUNNERS, Kurt Kuenne’s DEAR ZACHARY, Kelly Reichardt’s WENDY AND LUCY starring Michelle Williams, So Yong Kim’s TREELESS MOUNTAIN, the Academy-Award nominated THE GARDEN from Scott Hamilton Kennedy, Anders Ostergaard’s multi award-winning BURMA VJ, Nati Baratz’s UNMISTAKEN CHILD, and Laura Gabbert and Justin Schein’s NO IMPACT MAN. Upcoming releases include Lance Daly’s award-winning Irish film KISSES, the re-release of Jules Dassin’s classic THE LAW, Gabriel Medina’s offbeat comedy THE PARANOIDS, and Michel Gondry’s personal family documentary THE THORN IN THE HEART. Recent releases include Oren Moverman’s award-winning drama THE MESSENGER, starring Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster and Samantha Morton.
Contact for the Circle:
Lauren Schwartz, Oscilloscope Pictures:212.219.4029 x22, firstname.lastname@example.org